Joel Hollander, chairman and CEO of Infinity Broadcasting, announced this morning that his company is adopting the moniker "FREE FM" as it fights for its life against the rapid adoption of commercial-free, subscription-based satellite radio.

Here is his description of what Infinity's string of radio stations will sound like after Howard Stern leaves in January for Sirius Satellite Radio:

"Infinity's FREE FM stations will feature an eclectic mix of personalities, whose distinct creativity, perspective, sense of humor, intellect and unpredictability do not fall under the guiding principals of any particular narrowcast theme or ideology," said Joel Hollander, Chairman and Chief Executive Officer, Infinity. "An entertaining hybrid of provocative, political, pop culture, news, music and lifestyle formats, our next generation of FM stations will be personified by their conviction, passion, originality, fearlessness and innovation which is not heard anywhere else on the radio."

In other words, he doesn't have the slightest idea what he's going to do. He's going to throw anything and everything against the wall and wait to see what sticks.

Michele Catalano was first (and best) to the punch with her observations:

Shorter press release:

Talk, talk, talk, more talk, more blabber about nothing, prank phone calls and "odd" news, bitching about the world with in a post-modern ironic kind of way, fluffy Hollywood interviews, thirty second sound bites about the top grossing movies, some Paul Harvey-esque dude giving you a humorous take on a news subject and, fuck you don't lie to us there will be no music.

Rock radio is dead.

And local rock radio is even deader than that.

If someone can find the link, maybe you can email it this way, but Jeff Jarvis explained his thoughts a few months ago when he suggested Hollander had a real chance to turn radio into a hyper-local institution again. He had a chance to turn radio into a uniquely local experience, where you could tune in and hear people you work with, go to school with or live near interviewed on the street, calling in or writing in. Radio could become local again.

Remember Ron Lundy on WABC-AM radio, during the 1970s: "Right now it's 77 WABC Degrees In the Greatest. City. In. The. World!" (If you didn't grow up in New York, you can rent "Midnight Cowboy" because Lundy's energy and excitement are featured in the backdrop of that movie.)

Radio was local then. All radio was.

Howard Stern only grew into superstardom after he could return to the New York metro area, where he grew up, and develop a local broadcast that grew in popularity week after week until he was nationally known. Rush Limbaugh? He was a local personality in New York on WABC before he went national.

Dropping David Lee Roth and Adam Corolla into the bright, national spotlight with no chance to grow an audience from the ground up, organically, will lead to the worst train wreck in the history of American media. Couple that with a move further away from rock radio, and it's now more clear than ever that satellite radio will be a runaway success.

And "FREE FM?"

Well, you get what you pay for no matter what sticks to the wall.